HolyLand Incorporated

Quick Note: Neil Silberman’s article titled Structuring the Past inspired me. In his conclusion, he discusses how holy places and archeological dig sites have become more like theme parks. I kind of ran with the idea and decided to write a bit of satire to expose the ridiculous relationship that archeology, nationalism, and religion have with one another. In no way am I trying to target one religion and I decided to add elements from Judaism, Christianity, and Islam to prove my point.

Welcome to HolyLand. As a premium pilgrim member, it is our immense pleasure to introduce you to the newest park in our line of sacred spaces. HolyLand was designed to fulfill all of your spiritual needs; all you need to do is get down on your knees and pray. This all-encompassing vacation allows premium pilgrim members to experience the Axis Mundi of their spiritual world in comfort and style. Rooms, reminiscence of Second Temple period interior design, come complete with air conditioning and a personal mineral mikveh spa. Retired paramilitary marksmen secure our park's entrance, so you can rest easy knowing that only the true believers of Yahweh can breach the park border.

HolyLand offers a wide selection of pilgrimages available for purchase. However, as a premium member, we would like to recommend to you the ultimate faith-based adventure, Crusader Caper!

The day will begin with a ring from an Adhan alarm clock found in each room. Pilgrims can pick out their armour, chainmail, and a linen tunic outfits from our Crusader's inspired costume line. After eating a brunch of Ten Commandment Tablet Pita Pockets, and Sacred Sangria, the day begins with some mild destruction of three pagan worship sites. Guests can then choose from a variety of activities to partake in. Choose from a variety of activities which include: dead sea surfing, Romanesque church constuction, and an archeological dig. Our staff has carefully place artifacts so that you will feel a deep personal connection to HolyLand! After a long day of prayer and pillaging, guests enjoy dinner with dishes inspired by the last supper’s menu while watching the sunset over our very own Temple Mount and Dome of the Rock.

We hope you have a blessed stay at HolyLand!